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  • Writer's pictureAthanasia Houvarda

My August realization.

Updated: Dec 3, 2022

August has been an imperative month in my life since 2001. This month, I allowed myself to be more vulnerable and even have a breakdown.

I don't recall when was the last time that I cried. But I CRIED on August 5th!

I wasn't just sad; I was hurting! Survivor's guilt kicked in again.

Here is what happened on August 5th.

It started in the early hours of the day. I had a hard time falling asleep. Finally, I got a few hours of rest. When I woke up, I felt helpless. Lack of energy, stress, sadness, and not being in the mood to do anything were some of the emotions I was experiencing.

All I wanted was to be on my own and cry.

Sounds familiar to anyone?

It was extremely tough this year to go past that date.

August 5th, 2001, was the day I lost my friends in a car crash.

Around noon, my phone beeped. I grabbed it to check my messages, and it felt like time had stopped for a while. The message came from the "Behind the toll" podcast, informing me that my episode had gone live!

We recorded the episode a few months before, and I distinctly remember NOT mentioning the exact date of my accident to Thomas, the podcast host.

So, there I was, August 5th, 21 years after my crash, listening to myself describing my experience and the devastating outcome of the crash and sharing how far I came and where I am today.

I am living a more purpose-driven life, hoping to bring some change by sharing my story. This episode reminded me how fortunate I am to be alive and grateful for my support system, family, and friends. I am healthy and strong even on my bad days!

I realized that it is ok not to be ok. It is part of living.

Thank you, Thomas, for the unexpected gift.

Our episode going live on the day of my accident brought my mind back to where it needed to be.

Going through this roller-coaster of emotions during August, I learned more about myself and grew. I am reflecting on everything that happened, and although it is the toughest month, I have accomplished so much!

I am settling in Canada professionally; I made a HUGE step in my Art Career and am excited about the future!

I wonder what September will bring! Maybe more personal growth?

Next time you feel the burden of life on your shoulders or having a bad day, take some time to reflect and remind yourselves how far you have come and all the things you are grateful for in your life. Be present and allow yourselves to be vulnerable. It will help you get through the day.

Thank you, Thomas Jack and your team, for allowing me to share my story with your audience!

Please follow the link to listen to the Behind the toll Podcast.

and read more about Road Sense Australia.

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